Howard Moon

Candidate for Science and Technology for the Sir Digby Chicken Ceaser Party

Howard TJ Moon is an aspiring musician/actor/poet/novelist with frequent delusions of grandeur. He previously worked at the Zooniverse as a zookeeper, alongside Vince. But now Howard and Vince have left the zoo and formed a band together. He is vain, despite being "generic-looking" and he often makes outrageous claims which he has trouble backing up (he claims, for instance, to have turned down a lucrative offer extended by Walt Disney himself to sort all of Disney's pens). He reacts to criticism violently. His favourite style of music is jazz-fusion, and he spends part of each day in a "jazz trance" and refers to himself as a "jazz maverick". He is in love with Mrs. Gideon and his attempts to impress her are often the launching point for his adventures with Vince in series one.

Howard believes that he has a dark, brooding, poetic side to his personality and has many artistic pretensions, although almost all of his artistic efforts come to nothing. He briefly came close to becoming a published author, although he ruined his chances when Mrs. Gideon criticized his writing and he flew into a blind rage and struck her before his potential publisher. He is a gifted musician, thanks to selling his soul to the Spirit of Jazz, although he refuses to play instruments because the Spirit of Jazz "gets inside" him and makes him do embarrassing things.

Howard considers himself an intellectual, but while he is somewhat smarter than Vince, he is not nearly as intelligent as he thinks he is. (Vince notes that Howard is the UK's foremost cream poet, as all of his poems about Mrs. Gideon use cream similes.) Howard is always on the brink of starting a grand project, and believes that he will become famous somehow, someway. Whenever Howard is near to death, he pleads not to die, saying, "I've got so much to give." While Vince is always dressed very flashily, Howard tends to look unkempt and shabby. In the second series, we learn that Vince cuts Howard's hair while Howard is asleep. Howard doesn't believe in accessories. As he puts it, "There is a simple truth to me."

Howard apparently has a rather exotic background and some medical peculiarities. Howard once had a close friendship (some said too close) with a fox at the zoo named Jack Cooper. The other employees started rumors that Howard was a "fox bummer," and while Howard and Jack both persistently denied the rumors, there is the suggestion that something happened between them that they feel guilty about. Fossil announces that Howard is a former male prostitute, and while this seems unlikely, Howard did not deny it. Howard has always looked just like he does now, as a flashback to Vince and Howard's childhood school days showed that even then Howard was a full-grown man (with a moustache). Howard has some hideous deformity on his torso, although we never see what it is.

Howard can be aggressive (he often threatens to "come at" Vince, for instance) but when faced with an actual fight, he tends to fold quickly. He is generally a very angry and frustrated man, and while he berates Vince for having an excessively sunny outlook on life, he also relies on Vince for emotional support. Howard often treats Vince like an inferior, although the laconic Vince is generally more amused than offended by Howard's superior attitude. They tease each other constantly, but there is a deep bond between them and both have demonstrated repeatedly that they'll risk death to rescue each other from various ridiculously dangerous situations. When facing death, the two will often reminisce about very silly things - like that one time they ate soup.

Milky Joe Candidate for Food And agriculture.

Howard creates Milky Joe -- a coconut on a stick -- whilst stranded on a desert island, to avoid boredom. As time progresses he becomes more realistic, until eventually he takes on a life of his own.

Milky Joe is French and has intellectual discussions with Howard and delivers lectures on geology - as well as other topics. In an attempt to equal Vince's coconut girlfriend Ruby, he dressed MJ as a girl, named Gemima. When this ploy fails, Howard says to Joe, "Well that was a great idea- I thought you were supposed to be an intellectual." Howard eventually tires of Milky Joe's conversation, declaring "the man's an arse". Later Milky Joe testifies against Howard and Vince in a coconut court, after the murder of Howard’s abusive coconut lover, Precious Lilywhite. Vince's response to this is to call him a "garlic twit". He finally appears on the 'Pie-Face Showcase' with his band, 'The Coconuts' who are introduced by Bob Fossil. Milky Joe's band steals Howard's "Isolation" song, and they apparently have a big hit with it.